it's probably fine but i'll never see that.

i wish that jesse and i were still real friends... :(

pfft

i need a happy place.

today

in⋅se⋅cure

1.	subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.

2.	not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecure about the examination.

3.	not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: an insecure stock portfolio.

4.	not firmly or reliably placed or fastened: an insecure ladder.

ea⋅ger

1.	keen or ardent in desire or feeling; impatiently longing: I am eager for news about them. He is eager to sing.

what's new?

i think i'm getting myself in over my head--big heart.

man... i want to say fuck it ... but then i'd just be repeating myself.

shit ain't right.
you ain't right.

i thought that i would like things a lot better if i just didn't feel sad... that if i just felt like whatever... but i think i change my mind. i just want happiness... but doesn't everyone.

day one drugs:

3 pills

DEATH!

good thing i work a double today... won't put any kind of stress on my body or anything WTF

so i went to the doctor and they ran a blood test.

i have to take steroids for the next week and a half to two weeks.

i've not taken real medicine in a long time... i'm pretty nervous about this.

meh

never feel like you owe anyone anything...

never feel like anyone owes you something...

it's just two different recipes for a similar kind of disappointment

relief

so i've been in this strange mood lately. i'm sure it has a lot to do with me being sick over last week up until about now... even though i'm still not feeling thaaaaaat great. oddly enough, it has kind of helped me let go a little of something(s) much needed.

i feel distant... and for the first time in a long time i find it refreshing. 

what's up with dudes having girlfriends that they live with.... some even with kids... they want to either get with you or they want you to hook them up with one of your friends... you say... um you have a girlfriend, no...then they're like why you keep asking me that?!....

ok i'm not asking you... i'm telling you that i know. then you obviously can't answer the question with a yes or a no. 

it's happening waaaaaay too much lately.

hahaha shit is CRAZY. bitches is CRAZY!

tell it to me

i need to get out of this shit ass rut that i've allowed myself to fall into. a lot of shit isn't going the way that i would have hoped at this point... i'm sure i could go back and i've probably written this a million times... if not here... somewhere.

i've lost my pride.

i'm searching for direction and my past... neither of which are doing too well on my sanity.

on a good note. 

my papaw is absolutely amazing. it's strange how much alike he and i are. we share a brain. he was telling me about how he finally is going to start playing in a band that he'd been practicing with. he used to be nervous about playing because he's kinda shy sometimes... but now he's going to do it. they call themselves the fais dos dos band. i need to plan a trip around when they have a dance so i can watch them play. i guess that's one of the things that makes waking up every day worthwhile.

meh

you know what sucks...

giving a shit more than the other does.

home

knowing that i will be home in less than a week makes all the crappy shit going on seem soooooo sillllyyyyyyy

late night

it's pretty late and i cannot sleep.  it's been raining for almost two days straight i think... tomorrow it's supposed to snow all day. i rolled my hair in rollers... should be pretty funny to see when i wake up, i guess. 

i find when i get really nervous my legs start feeling like that prickling feeling when a limb goes numb. i'm probably dying. wish me luck!

i miss my friends. 

it goes like this

it goes like this:

how do you start over from starting over?

and that would be my opening to dear atlanta..

and it also goes a little like this:

fuck the bullshit, fuck the fuck, fuck the sketch, fuck wasting time.

and that would be my opening to the riffraff.

teeth ass

it really grosses me out that when teeth is licking her ass... it makes squishy sounds.

bah bah

times are tough... rough, too.

flower child

i'd probably be a much happier person if it were 1970(something).