tell it to me

i need to get out of this shit ass rut that i've allowed myself to fall into. a lot of shit isn't going the way that i would have hoped at this point... i'm sure i could go back and i've probably written this a million times... if not here... somewhere.

i've lost my pride.

i'm searching for direction and my past... neither of which are doing too well on my sanity.

on a good note. 

my papaw is absolutely amazing. it's strange how much alike he and i are. we share a brain. he was telling me about how he finally is going to start playing in a band that he'd been practicing with. he used to be nervous about playing because he's kinda shy sometimes... but now he's going to do it. they call themselves the fais dos dos band. i need to plan a trip around when they have a dance so i can watch them play. i guess that's one of the things that makes waking up every day worthwhile.